YOUR DINNER PLATE
fiction BY
L.C LUPUS
'Trigger Warning: Sexual themes, meat/meat-processing, animal death, misogyny, class.
***
It was noisy, but the atmosphere was utterly perfect. There were gentle musical notes in the
air, the buttoned-up waiters moved through the aisles with white plates adorned with
spectacular food that send delicious aromas through the restaurant, and the man in his pale
blue collared shirt watched the woman across from him with a smile on his face. It was their
third date together, and he was excited about it. Why wouldn’t he be excited? She was
stunning and funny and a great conversationalist. She was everything he wanted, and he, in
turn, hoped that he was what she wanted.
She smiled across from him. She could hardly believe that she’d bagged someone like this.
She’d even managed to maintain herself as best she could on their first two dates to ensure
that he knew she was looking for something serious. It had worked too, or at least, she
assumed that it had. He’d been a gentleman through both dates and while they had shared a
small kiss on their first date and a more passionate one on their second, they hadn’t gone any
further. However, their second had led to a romantic walk as they held each other’s hands and
gazed into the night sky.
This third date was going to be a great one, and he grinned as the waiter poured each of
them a flute of champagne. He waited around for his patron to take a sip, nod his head, and
thank him. The waiter then placed the bottle down, gave the shortest of bows, and stepped
away from the table.
As soon as he was out of earshot, the man laughed. ‘I have no idea if it
tastes good or anything. I don’t know champagne!’
She giggled and took a sip of her own drink. She put on a pseudo-discerning face and
nodded a few times. ‘I detect hints of oak… and grape… possibly bubbles… oh and
pretentiousness. Cheers, my lovely companion for the evening!’
They clinked their glasses as they both burst into laughter that led a few people around
them to gaze in their direction. The pair of them waved at those they’d disturbed, and then
looked back at each other. ‘This is a very serious place, my lovely lady.’
‘Oh, yes, yes, tolly gosh!’ she took another sip and laughed. He didn’t laugh. He just
watched her. ‘What?’
‘You’re just stunning. That’s all. Can’t a guy be head over heels for a beautiful lady like
yourself?’
She shook her head and chuckled as she returned the glass to the table. ‘You know, this
place is pretty pricey. Sure you can handle it?’
‘Wait. I’m paying?’ he stuck a tongue out and she giggled again. He adored that little
laugh and hoped that it never went anywhere. It was far too perfect for the world.
‘I can handle the cost, don’t worry. Maybe not every weekend or every date, but you’re not every
date, are you? You’re far more than that?’
‘So, not just another notch on the bedpost?’
‘Oh, so is that where this is going tonight?’
‘I dunno. It depends on how well you wine and dine me, also how well you tip,’ she
brought her hands under the table and interlocked her fingers. She knew it was the third date
and everything, and she’d already decided that she liked the guy as more than just a casual
relationship, but it was still nerve-wracking. What if she screwed it up and said something
stupid?
She quickly grabbed her glass and downed some of it. He did the same. He wanted to
emulate her as much as possible. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in more
than just a conversation with her, but he loved every moment he spent with her. He cherished
it, but he knew he would cherish the more carnal aspects of her body too. He’d already
thought through his strategy for the evening. This wasn’t just some hook-up, so he needed it
to be perfect. He wondered whether she’d want him to be more forceful or not. Would she
want him to push her against the wall and kiss her? Or would she want him to lead her to the
bedroom and be far more romantic about it?
She stared into his eyes. She could feel her fingers fidgeting again. She found her eyes
descending downwards. She could see some of his chest at the top of the unbuttoned collar.
She wanted to pull it off and see more. She wanted to see how far she could go, but she was
also worried. Would he want her to be more forceful? To drag him to the bedroom and push
his head downwards? Or would he prefer she be more submissive? To let him take her
wherever he wanted her, like the couch or the kitchen counter or just the entryway into her
apartment. Was her apartment better or was his?
He took his glass and held it out to her. She took hers and held it aloft too. ‘What should
we talk about this evening? Last time we spent quite a lot of it talking about your MA
dissertation. Such an interesting topic too.’
‘You don’t have to pretend, you know,’ she rolled her eyes, but she did so in the most
theatrical way she could and then bit her lip. ‘That stuff bores guys.’
‘I guess I must not be a guy then because I found it interesting. You don’t hear much about
ethics when you work in my sector. Not much to talk about when it comes to selling high-end
kitchenware to rich people who have far too much money. I mean, other than the ethics stuff
that’s in like… where we source our wood and marble.’
‘Well, that is all ethics too, but tell me what you remember,’ she leaned in closer and
watched him. She liked to see him squirm.
He swallowed and felt at his collar. ‘Okay, so, I’m gonna show my ignorance here, aren’t
I? Um… well, you spoke about um… Immanuel Fant?’
‘Kant.’
‘Kant. I stand corrected,’ he downed the rest of his champagne, and she did the same. He
picked up the bottle and offered her a refill. She downed her own and gladly accepted it.
They both took a sip from their newly poured drink. ‘Okay, so, this Kant guy said that we
have duties to other humans and that we need to follow certain rules and that those rules
don’t change.’
‘Remember what those rules were called?’
‘It was some nonsense long name.’
She cackled. ‘Yup! But that’s academia for you. Always pretentious. It’s called the
categorical imperative.’
‘Yes, the categorical imp-’
‘-erative,’ she completed for him.
‘Imperative!’ he exclaimed and immediately drew the angry eyes of someone nearby. He
waved the guy down and returned to his date. ‘That thing. He said that you have to be able to
apply the same logic to everything you do or else it doesn’t work. So, I might want something
that I don’t have, but that doesn’t mean I can steal, because if I steal then I have to think
about if everyone else should be allowed to steal when they want something. No stealing
then.’
‘A bit simplistic, but yes,’ she sipped on her champagne and winked at him.
He grinned back at her. ‘I think I did pretty well there, actually.’
‘Oh, you did,’ she pressed one of her feet forward and searched for his. He jumped a little
when she found them, but he soon felt hers too. ‘I think you did a very good job, and you did
a good job listening last time. I hope you listen that well in other settings too.’
He leaned in. ‘Oh, I listen very well in many settings.’
‘I may have to test that, because to be a good person, you need to fulfil some of those
duties. Duties to your fellow human.’
‘Oh, I think I can fulfil any duties you give me.’
‘Excuse me,’ the waiter had arrived, and he held two plates. One in each hand. The two
individuals on their date stopped flirting and waited for the plates to be lowered down to
them. Each plate had a succulent rump steak on it. Just dripping with jus and arranged
alongside a beautiful, garnished presentation. ‘Is there anything else?’
‘No, this is perfect! Thank you so much.’
The waiter bowed and left the two who had already made up their minds about what was
going to happen as soon as they were done with dinner. They looked up at each other and
smiled. There was no need to be coy any longer. The need for shyness had long since passed
them by and would not be returning any time soon.
He picked up his fork and pressed it into the decadent meat as he raised his knife. She did
the same and penetrated the moist rump with a sparkle in her eye. She was quite interested in
being treated like a piece of meat that night. She didn’t want the romance. She wanted to be
ravished, to be desecrated.
He returned her gaze as he thought similar thoughts. He cut off a piece of rump, and she
raised hers too. They each placed the meat on their tongues and felt the delicious juices as
their teeth came down again and again, decimating the moistness in their mouths. They
simultaneously swallowed and licked their lips. It was going to be a delicious evening
between two delicious people.
***
The sizzling of the pans and the yelling of the chef mixed with the many people chattering
away with one another while they cooked on the line. Two of them stood next to one another
in their designated sections. One had his pan as he pressed the spatula into the meat as it
popped and bubbled with the fat that swirled around it. His friend had his own pan. The
boiling oil caused the strips of potato to crackle as they slowly reached the necessary
tenderness to be an exquisite accompaniment to the medium-rare steak to his side.
He glanced over at his friend and grinned. His friend tried to ignore him for a few seconds,
but eventually chuckled and looked over at him too.
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing, huh?’ he shook his head as he flipped the steak and pressed it down into the pan.
‘Got something to say, my friend?’
‘You’d better not leave any burn on that steak, buddy, or else chef’ll be angry again.’
‘Chef can kiss my-’
‘Hey!’ the chef shouted at them from down the line. ‘Did I say that you two could speak to
each other!? That steak had better be perfect this time or else you’re out of here! Do you hear
me?! Out of here!’
‘Yes, chef!’ he shouted back and then grumbled to himself. ‘Whatever you say.’
‘Maybe you gotta start doing your job right, man.’
He reached over and punched his friend’s arm. The friend laughed and returned to his
potatoes as he turned each of them as methodically as possible. The white of one side gave
way to the gorgeous and crispy brown of the other side. He took in a deep breath and smelled
as much of it as he could before glancing at his friend again.
‘How can you still find this stuff good, man? We slave over this every day and smell the
same things. How do you still think it smells good?’
‘Oh, so some good potato and steak doesn’t smell good to you anymore? They’re
delicious!’
‘Yeah, they’re also not something we can afford,’ he rolled his eyes as he moved the steak
around the pan, reached in with a spoon to coat the steak in as much of its own fatty oil as
possible, and then returned to pressing it down for a few moments. ‘This place is not for us,
you know.’
‘So, you can’t afford potatoes?’
‘Ugh,’ his friend hit his arm again. ‘You know I mean the meat, man. Like, look at this
thing. A nice, A-grade chunk of rump steak and we have to put it on some plate and give it to
someone who can afford to come to a place like this. In my house, we eat minute steaks and
the cheapest chicken we can find.’
‘Yeah, but you can sometimes get a steak.’
‘You really can’t. When last have you had a proper steak? And when I say a proper steak,
I mean a proper steak. Like this one. Thick and juicy and delicious. Not some storebought
one where they slice it off and package it in cheap plastic.’
‘Where else are you supposed to get it?’
‘I bet these guys get it at like some fancy butcher or something. Some like… I dunno,
some expensive bougie place with “artisanal” somewhere in the name. Some rich people
place where they sell Kobe beef and can give you a whole lecture about which meat has the
best marbling and that kind of stuff.’
‘Ah, meat is meat,’ his friend shrugged. ‘I mean, it all pretty much tastes the same.’
‘It really doesn’t. Some of it is way better, and here I am, talking to you who wants to
pretend.’
‘Hey, I don’t pretend, I get to have steak sometimes.’
‘Mister I-don’t-have-kids-so-I-can-afford-good-food,’ he spat the words out as he flipped
the steak again. ‘I can barely afford the food I can get, and that kid of hers just eats so damn
much. He’s just always eating. Eating me out of house and home. So no, I can’t afford a
decent meal like this.’
‘Hey!’ the chef shouted before his friend could respond. ‘How far is that steak!? We need
it for plating A-SAP!’
‘It’s coming, chef! I’ll ring the bell when it’s done!’
The chef had already moved on, and the man shook his head and scoffed. ‘Jackass.’
His friend laughed. ‘You know, you didn’t have to go and get hitched. I mean, I didn’t.’
‘If she’d been on the pill like she said she was then I wouldn’t have this problem.’
‘Did you use protection too?’
‘I don’t like rubbers,’ he growled and snapped before his friend could say a word. ‘I know
what you’re going to say, and I don’t care. A real man doesn’t have to use those things. It’s
her body that makes those little money-eaters. She should have been more careful.’
‘Whatever, man.’
‘Don’t talk to me like that,’ he inspected the steak and flipped it over again. ‘How’s this
one look? Think the chef is gonna whine at me?’
‘Isn’t that his job?’
He chuckled as he hit the bell. ‘Yeah, I guess.’
The chef approached and inspected the steak. He grabbed the pan and nodded his head.
‘It’s acceptable. We have more orders coming in. Two to a pan for this one, okay.’
‘Yes, chef,’ he watched as the chef walked away and quickly flipped him off before
grabbing a new pan and setting it over the gas. ‘Listen, man, I know I probably should have
pulled out or whatever, but back then she was so into it.’
He poured oil into the pan and chucked a new chunk of meat onto it. ‘She was always
begging for it and what kind of a hot-blooded man could say no to that, right?’
He threw another rump onto the pan and coated it in the oil. His friend watched him.
‘Man, I’m sorry you hate the kid so much.’
‘I don’t hate the kid, man, I just… you know.’
‘Can’t just have a steak anymore?’
‘Can’t just have a steak anymore!’ he repeated as he slapped his spatula onto the meat and
sighed. ‘I used to be able to go out, have some ribs and a drink with a girl, and then take her
back to my place, or, better yet, her place, and then not see her again. Now, I have to pretend
that I still like coming back to that house.’
‘Still think getting married to her will help?
‘It won’t. It’ll just make her parents leave us alone. Then they can pretend that their
daughter didn’t get knocked up with premarital sex.’
‘If you’d pulled out, she wouldn’t have been a mother.’
‘You know what, man, I’m just not going to talk to you tonight,’ he went back to his meat
and lifted the bubbling fat with a spoon to coat it in its own juices yet again. His friend was
just laughing at him. ‘What the hell are you laughing about?’
‘I’m messing with you, man. Don’t worry about it so much. It’s fine. So what if the kid
eats all your money, at least you have a sexy lady to come home to every night. The bachelor
life is a lonely one. I’m very lonely!’
‘Oh really?’
‘Definitely! I’m extremely lonely. Take tomorrow night for example. I’m gonna take this
sexy young thing I met on Tinder out for some burgers somewhere, make it seem all sweet
and everything, and then we’re gonna go to this party that’s happening, and they have a few
places I can take her to have a good time. Then we’ll just get drunk, and I’ll drop her off at
home or something. Maybe have a second round.’
‘I fail to see the loneliness.’
‘Oh, I lied. It’s gonna be so hot. This chick is already super into it and-’
He kept rambling about his planned sexual exploits, but his friend tuned out the jokey tone
and went back to his steak. He flipped it in its own savoury liquids and smelled them in. They
sure did smell good, but he knew that he couldn’t have any.
***
She looked over at him. She was tired. He didn’t look tired at all and was instead just
watching her with those usual curious eyes. She couldn’t help but smile at him as she reached
over and placed a hand on his head, he accepted the hand and swirled around to try and lick
it. She chuckled and pulled the hand back. He looked ahead as soon as she did the same, and
the pair of them watched as the cars zoomed by around them.
She only had one more delivery to make before she could park and have a proper sleep. It
had been a good and lengthy sixteen-hour shift that would net her a hefty few hours of wages,
but she wanted it to be over more than she was interested in the money. She could imagine
that her passenger thought the same. His tongue bobbed out of his mouth as he stuck his head
out the window and felt the wind against his face.
The job was a terrible one with long hours and poor wages, but at least she was allowed to
do her job alongside her best friend. The one friend who had never left her over the course of
her life, a friend who was always excited for her to be nearby. Her friend didn’t even need to
wait for her to get home before being excited, he was always excited for her to be around. He
was far better than some unfaithful man.
She took in a deep breath and tried to forget about that. She didn’t want to be reminded
about it. It had been so long in the past that it didn’t matter anymore. She had her truck, she
had her job, and she had her dog. That was all she needed, and she knew that she didn’t need
anything else in the world.
Her eyes glazed over a little but she managed to shake herself out of it. She definitely
needed that sleep. Her eyes glanced down at the radio attached to her dashboard. She hadn’t
heard a word from them about any last-minute deliveries, and she hoped they didn’t suddenly
pop up with something. The rest of the shipment only needed to be delivered later that same
evening. She didn’t need to go anywhere else. She held her breath for a moment and hoped
that that was the case.
She could see the restaurant. It was one of her semi-usual drop-offs. She wondered if that
sweet man would be there. She shook her head and reached over to her companion. She
pressed her fingers into his fur and felt his warmth. ‘I don’t need some guy. I have you, don’t
I, boy?’
The old dog turned to look at her for a moment but didn’t make a sound. She smiled at
him. ‘Talkative as ever, aren’t you?’ still nothing. ‘I think you’ve been a better man to me
than any real one!’
The dog barked.
‘There we go!’ she laughed. ‘I’d be lying though. I mean, I love you, my boy, but you
don’t exactly provide any kind of human touch, do you?’
He only watched her.
‘That guy at the restaurant is pretty cute. He’s always sweet to us. To you too, isn’t he?’
He barked again.
‘Maybe he’ll be nice to you this morning too. What do you think? Think if he’s nice I
should… I should try?’
He didn’t reply.
‘I could always try and give him my number. Maybe the next time I’m around here I
can… I don’t know. I know that I say I don’t miss him, but I do.’
He didn’t reply.
‘I wonder if he misses you too. He was an ass, but he was always good to you. I hope he
misses you,’ she glanced at him for a few moments, but he’d shut his eyes and dozed off. She
didn’t mind. It was just good to have someone to talk to. ‘I think I should do it. I think I
should. We’ll see how he responds. Maybe if… I don’t know.’
She was quiet for a few moments as she came to a stop by the gates of the delivery area of
the restaurant. She could see some people inside, and they had seen her and were on their
way to fetch whoever had the keys to open the gate. She took in a deep breath. Where was
he? Was he nearby? Would he be there? Would he be there to see her and to ask her
something?
The gate started to open. One of the kitchen staff had opened up, and she pulled the small
truck into the space. She quickly hopped out and went to open the back for them. When she
turned around, there he was. He was one of the kitchen staff, and he smiled as he saw her. He
approached. ‘Have another shipment for us? I was looking forward to seeing you again.’
She couldn’t help but blush. ‘Well, someone has to deliver the beef.’
‘Some great beef you’ve got too,’ he stepped up to her and smiled. The dog barked. His
head stuck out the driver’s side window. The line cook laughed as he approached the old dog
and gave him a few scratches. He quickly let go of him and snuck around the back. As soon
as he was sure that no one else was looking, he yanked out a knife and sliced off a small
piece of raw beef. He brought it back and quickly gave it to the old dog. The dog barked as
soon as it was down his throat.
She watched it all and smiled. She could feel her blush deepening. She didn’t know why.
She wasn’t some young lovestruck girl. She’d had two husbands and as many kids already.
This was just some guy. She took in a deep breath. It shouldn’t have been difficult. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey, yourself,’ he leaned against the truck and watched her.
‘Yeah, um, so I wanted to ask you something.’
‘Yeah?’
‘You live around here, right?’
‘Close. I live about an hour’s train drive, but yeah, I do.’
‘I live in a different city but I’m here a lot, you know.’
‘Yeah, I do know. You deliver beef here a few times a week.’
She giggled. It sounded like schoolgirl nonsense. She tried to compose herself.
‘Anyway… I wanted to ask-’
‘Hold that thought,’ he held up a finger and led her around to the back. The chef had come
out to scan the area as the meat came in. ‘He’s an ass. Anyway, I don’t think you should ask
that.’
‘Oh,’ she tried to keep her smile. ‘Do you know what I was-’
‘Because I should be the one to ask,’ he grinned. ‘Do you want to go out sometime?’
She blushed more deeply than before and nodded her head. ‘Yes. Yes, please. I’d like that
a lot.’
‘That’s great. What’s your number?’
***
He stepped into the locker room and sighed. It was another day on the job. Another day doing
the same repetitive thing over and over again, and he groaned as he glanced to the side and
saw that his supervisor was watching him. He tried to smile at his supervisor but dropped the
charade when his supervisor didn’t return the gesture.
‘Is everything okay, sir?’
‘You tell me.’
He didn’t know how to reply. ‘Um. Well. Uh…’
‘Are you going to “um” and “uh” all day?’
‘No, sir.’
‘Do you know why I’m talking to you now?’
‘Because I was late.’
‘Well done!’ his supervisor brought his hands together in a slow clap. ‘There are a lot of
you people out there who need a job like this. So, don’t piss off the one person that gave you
a shot. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Good,’ his supervisor was done with him, and simply pointed towards the conveyor belt.
He tried to get his jacket off his torso as quickly as possible while the eyes of his supervisor
continued to watch him. He climbed into his plastic-covered coat and pulled his gloves on.
His supervisor finally looked away, and the worker made his way to his station.
His neighbour on the conveyor belt nodded at his approach but quickly returned to the task
at hand. He rushed up to join his neighbour and grabbed a hold of his blade. ‘Sorry I was late.
I missed my train.’
‘Full?’
‘Full,’ he nodded as he grabbed the bone and carved off a slice. ‘Have you been covering
my cuts too?’
‘Only fifteen minutes.’
‘Thank you. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s no problem.’
He remained quiet for a while as he took one bone after another and sliced off his
designated piece of gristle before passing it to the next person on the conveyor belt. That
person went far faster than he did, and he did his best to keep up. The rest of the people on
the conveyor belt hardly spoke any English, and he had to take in a deep breath when he
thought about the possibility of losing the job. It was all he could get.
‘So, how was your evening?’
‘What?’
‘I said: how was your evening?’
‘It was fine,’ his neighbour didn’t say anything else. She took each slab of meat as it came
and cut off her designated piece. One after the other. One chunk, another chunk, another, and
another. Her eyes were staring downwards at the work in her hands, and she wielded the
knife with a speed he wished he too possessed.
He glanced to the side and saw his supervisor watching him. He stared back down and
sliced and sliced and sliced and sliced. He took in a deep breath after what felt like ages. He
looked upwards at the clock. He’d only been at work for twelve minutes. He stifled a groan
as one of the managers walked by. He didn’t want anyone to pick him out for anything. He
needed to keep his head down, do his job as he’d been directed to do, and get on with his
work. That was all he needed to do.
‘And your kids?’ he asked his neighbour.
‘They are fine,’ she was focused on the cavalcade of meat that came her way. The one slab
after another of what would eventually be a collection of rump steaks. The kind that he would
never be able to afford. As soon as he was sure that his supervisor and the manager were
gone, he sighed to himself.
A sound of pain issued from his side. He turned to face his neighbour on the other side.
There was blood dripping from his hand. The supervisor was there within a second. He
pointed at the uninjured man. ‘Take over his share until he can get back.’
He stared at his supervisor as one chunk nearly passed him by. ‘I-’
‘Are you deaf?! Get to work!’
He grabbed the chunk and sliced off two portions as quickly as he could as his neighbour
was pointed towards the first-aid station. The blood had pooled by his station and would
remain there for the rest of the day. The neighbour didn’t come back for over an hour, and by
the end of it, the uninjured man’s hand cramped with the kind of pain he could hardly
imagine.
His other neighbour scoffed when the injured one made his way back. ‘That one. He is no
good. This is the problem with white people here.’
The man gazed down at his own white hands. ‘I-’
‘I no mean you,’ his neighbour didn’t seem to put much weight behind that particular
statement, but he saw no reason to pursue it. It was true. She’d been there for a few years
already and she never complained, was never late, never injured herself, and she wasn’t even
legally in the country. He only had the job because there was little else for him to do after
he’d served his sentence.
‘I think you did.’
His neighbour didn’t say anything in response to his words and simply continued with her
work. His other neighbour was slower than before, and his bandaged hand struggled to take
hold of the flesh of the cow before him.
He was stuck there. He needed to get out of that place. He’d been there less than a month
and he could hardly stand the sight of it all. He wanted to get away, he needed to get away,
but he had nowhere else to go. There was nowhere left for him in the world. The law had
seen to that when it released him with a record.
He sighed as he took hold of his latest chunk of meat and sliced off his small, designated
portion as it made its way to the next person along the chain. He was just glad that he didn’t
have to work with the large carcasses. That seemed like it was even worse.
***
It was a Monday. It was like every other damn Monday. He wouldn’t get to take a day off
until Sunday, and even then, it would probably be a bad Sunday. He tightened the gloves on
his hands and cricked his neck in preparation for yet another day of monotonous work.
He turned his neck and watched as the creature made their way toward him. They were
being prodded from behind towards the machine. They didn’t want to be near it, but he didn’t
have time for this. They’d all already been told that production needed to ramp up or there
wouldn’t be any chance of any bonuses, as if there were ever any bonuses. He helped them
lead the massive creature toward the machine and strapped them in.
The creature moved one way and another, but their body could not move against the
machine that held them in place. He pressed the bolt gun into the cranium of the animal and
fired it. The creature went limp. He reached for his knife, pressed it against the neck of the
animal, and pushed in. The creature’s throat gurgled as the blood flooded downwards and
through a grate onto the floor below. The floor was already being washed away with high-
pressure hoses to pretend it was a more sanitary workplace.
The animal’s body didn’t move for much longer, but he had already pressed the button to
flip it onto the conveyer belt so it could be hung upside down and bled out. He turned his
attention to the next one that was on their way toward the machine. They didn’t want to move
towards it, but a quick jab with an electric prod from behind forced them to move.
The man used to hate the prod, but it made the job easier. He glanced down and for a
single moment, his eyes connected with the eyes of the cow. They stared straight into his
eyes. He could see it. He could see into them. He could see the fear buried deep within them.
He shut his eyes and shook his head as he secured it into the machine.
He grabbed his still-dripping blade and positioned it. He couldn’t help himself. He looked
into those eyes again. They watched him. They stared at him. He turned away as he pressed
the bolt gun into the cow’s head, and he immediately moved to penetrate and carve through
the jugular a moment later. He didn’t want to look at those eyes any longer.
He heard someone laughing behind him. He turned. One of the others pointed at the
recently dead cow and cackled. ‘That’s one’s got a good ass on it! Bet it’ll make for some
good rump, what ya think?’
He forced a smile, but it was toothless. ‘Yeah, I think she will make a good rump.’
‘She?’
‘It. It will make a good rump.’
The guy had already moved on, but the man glanced back at the now-dead creature before
him as he pressed his hand into the button to send it along the conveyer belt. He didn’t want
to see it any longer, and he didn’t want to see the rest of them, but a job’s a job. He took up
his bolt gun as the next cow was secured to the spot. He made sure not to look the rest of
them in the eye.
His day continued as it always continued. It was slow, constant work. One cow after
another received the bolt, the slash, and the upside-down drainage. It was the way things
were, and it was the way things were going to remain. He tried not to think about it, but he
did know that ever since he’d started at that job, he found it harder and harder to put beef in
his mouth.
Those eyes sometimes caught in his own, and he could see what was inside them, but there
was no other job for him in that world. Who was going to hire someone like him anyway? He
took in a deep breath when the last cow for the day had been killed, and he was allowed to
finally go home. He went back to his tiny place and struggled to sleep, but he needed to get as
many hours as he could because he had a double shift the following day.
***
She didn’t have that much room, but she could look over the confines of her small cubicle
and see some of the others that she had known throughout her life. There was one of her
childhood friends only a few pens down the line. She watched her friend as they made one
noise after another. She wanted to go to them, to be with them, but the metal bars in front of
her wouldn’t allow her to move.
She turned around. Her rear touched the other side of the pen as she did so, but she
managed to turn all the way around after a few moments of manoeuvring. She wandered over
to the feed that automatically dropped from somewhere every now and then. She didn’t know
when it dropped, but there was still some left over from before. She went to have some. There
was nothing else to do in her little home.
She ate until she had nothing left. She smelled her way across the trough but found
nothing else. Her head raised and gazed around. The sounds of her fellows were all around
her, and they were making their own noises. She wanted to go to them. They all wanted some
company. They all wanted to be near someone else, and she wanted that too. She didn’t want
to be alone in that cage of hers.
She could hear one of them, and she turned as best she could, but they had already walked
past her before she could see them. She wanted to signal to one of them. They had taken care
of her once, but ever since she’d been left alone in the cage, she didn’t receive any attention
from any of them any longer.
He pushed her nose against the cold steel and her eyes shut in response. She wanted to get
out of there. She made a noise, she mooed with the rest of them. Her neighbour did the same,
she also wanted to get out. The two of them joined together to make as much noise as they
could, but no one came to them. A few others joined in, but it didn’t take long before
everyone stopped.
She looked around again. She turned, but there was still no food. She didn’t know what to
do. She was bored. She wanted to do something, anything. She decided to drop to her
haunches, and then fully dropped. She turned her head. She wasn’t tired. She had slept
enough. She wanted to be with the others, but she couldn’t reach them. She closed her eyes.
She could hear them all around her, they were all so noisy, they all wanted to get out. She
couldn’t sleep. She kept her eyes closed. She tried to fall asleep, to be away from that place.
She waited and she waited.
She felt excitement when the noise of the thing came back. There was food filling up her
trough, and every other fellow creature in the building responded the same way. They all
went for their food, but the food was soon gone, and there was, once again, nothing to do.
She didn’t know what else she was supposed to do. She didn’t know how long she’d have to
wait.
She turned around a few times, tried to find more food, smelled along the steel bars, and
eventually lay back down again. She didn’t have anything else to do, and while she couldn’t
sleep, it was better than standing. She waited for her next batch of food. It was all there was
to do in that place.
***
She was overjoyed as she pressed her body against her friend. Her friend did the same, and
she was just as happy to see the big things that crowded around her. They made all sorts of
noises, and she couldn’t understand what they were saying, but there were little versions of
the big creatures that looked after them. The little versions brought food in their hands, and
whenever she ate it from their hands, they made lovely sounds that made her happy.
She enjoyed the nice big place she lived. It had lots of her friends, but whenever she
thought about her mother, she felt worse. She tried to forget about her. She still wanted her
mother’s milk, but she hadn’t had any in a very long time, or at least it felt like a very long
time. She didn’t even know where her mother was, but at least the smaller versions were
happy with them.
When the little versions were gone, the big creatures that were so tall locked them in their
big room and left them there. She tried to eat as much as possible from the smaller ones
during the day because the bigger ones didn’t give them much food at night. It was also cold,
and they all had to huddle together. They’d all lost their mothers, they’d all been taken away
from them, and they’d all been left without that delicious and comforting milk.
The things the big creatures gave them to suckle on were not the same, and they didn’t
even give those to them anymore. It was dry food every single day. There wasn’t even any
grass in their night-time room. She needed to try and get as much as she could during the day,
and she needed to get as much attention as she could during the day too. The big things and
the little versions of them were not the same as her mother, but at least they patted her and
gave her attention.
She didn’t see the little versions every day. Sometimes, there was no one there. She hated
those days, but at least she could eat the grass on those days. At least she could wander
around with her friends and play with them. At least she wasn’t wherever all the adults had
gone, because she knew they’d gone somewhere bad.
***
The young mother hardly made any noise as she pushed with the help of the big creatures that
kept her confined. They made noises at her that she couldn’t understand. They were soothing
noises, but she didn’t want to hear their soothing noises. She had been taken from her mother
before she had finished her milk, and she knew they’d do the same to her baby. She pushed
and the baby creature left her womb.
The creature was small and pathetic. It would be better if it wasn’t there at all, if it wasn’t
forced to live with its mother for a short time before being taken from her. Then she saw it. It
was hers. It was her baby girl. A little girl like herself, and the girl waddled over to her
mother a few seconds later.
There were strange noises around them and flashing lights. Some of the big creatures were
too close to her baby, but she couldn’t make them go away. They crowded around and made
their noises and watched her. She watched them. She didn’t know how she was going to keep
her baby safe. She didn’t know how she was going to stop them from taking her. She didn’t
know how she’d live without her baby. She didn’t know anything.
***
ABOUT
L.C. LUPUS is a writer and academic from Cape Town, South Africa. Much of his work is inspired by his studies, such as ethics, animal studies, and critical theory. In this case, it's most-inspired by the ecofeminist work of Carol J. Adams, such as 'The Sexual Politics of Meat', and deals with issues of sex and meat.
***
It was noisy, but the atmosphere was utterly perfect. There were gentle musical notes in the
air, the buttoned-up waiters moved through the aisles with white plates adorned with
spectacular food that send delicious aromas through the restaurant, and the man in his pale
blue collared shirt watched the woman across from him with a smile on his face. It was their
third date together, and he was excited about it. Why wouldn’t he be excited? She was
stunning and funny and a great conversationalist. She was everything he wanted, and he, in
turn, hoped that he was what she wanted.
She smiled across from him. She could hardly believe that she’d bagged someone like this.
She’d even managed to maintain herself as best she could on their first two dates to ensure
that he knew she was looking for something serious. It had worked too, or at least, she
assumed that it had. He’d been a gentleman through both dates and while they had shared a
small kiss on their first date and a more passionate one on their second, they hadn’t gone any
further. However, their second had led to a romantic walk as they held each other’s hands and
gazed into the night sky.
This third date was going to be a great one, and he grinned as the waiter poured each of
them a flute of champagne. He waited around for his patron to take a sip, nod his head, and
thank him. The waiter then placed the bottle down, gave the shortest of bows, and stepped
away from the table.
As soon as he was out of earshot, the man laughed. ‘I have no idea if it
tastes good or anything. I don’t know champagne!’
She giggled and took a sip of her own drink. She put on a pseudo-discerning face and
nodded a few times. ‘I detect hints of oak… and grape… possibly bubbles… oh and
pretentiousness. Cheers, my lovely companion for the evening!’
They clinked their glasses as they both burst into laughter that led a few people around
them to gaze in their direction. The pair of them waved at those they’d disturbed, and then
looked back at each other. ‘This is a very serious place, my lovely lady.’
‘Oh, yes, yes, tolly gosh!’ she took another sip and laughed. He didn’t laugh. He just
watched her. ‘What?’
‘You’re just stunning. That’s all. Can’t a guy be head over heels for a beautiful lady like
yourself?’
She shook her head and chuckled as she returned the glass to the table. ‘You know, this
place is pretty pricey. Sure you can handle it?’
‘Wait. I’m paying?’ he stuck a tongue out and she giggled again. He adored that little
laugh and hoped that it never went anywhere. It was far too perfect for the world.
‘I can handle the cost, don’t worry. Maybe not every weekend or every date, but you’re not every
date, are you? You’re far more than that?’
‘So, not just another notch on the bedpost?’
‘Oh, so is that where this is going tonight?’
‘I dunno. It depends on how well you wine and dine me, also how well you tip,’ she
brought her hands under the table and interlocked her fingers. She knew it was the third date
and everything, and she’d already decided that she liked the guy as more than just a casual
relationship, but it was still nerve-wracking. What if she screwed it up and said something
stupid?
She quickly grabbed her glass and downed some of it. He did the same. He wanted to
emulate her as much as possible. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in more
than just a conversation with her, but he loved every moment he spent with her. He cherished
it, but he knew he would cherish the more carnal aspects of her body too. He’d already
thought through his strategy for the evening. This wasn’t just some hook-up, so he needed it
to be perfect. He wondered whether she’d want him to be more forceful or not. Would she
want him to push her against the wall and kiss her? Or would she want him to lead her to the
bedroom and be far more romantic about it?
She stared into his eyes. She could feel her fingers fidgeting again. She found her eyes
descending downwards. She could see some of his chest at the top of the unbuttoned collar.
She wanted to pull it off and see more. She wanted to see how far she could go, but she was
also worried. Would he want her to be more forceful? To drag him to the bedroom and push
his head downwards? Or would he prefer she be more submissive? To let him take her
wherever he wanted her, like the couch or the kitchen counter or just the entryway into her
apartment. Was her apartment better or was his?
He took his glass and held it out to her. She took hers and held it aloft too. ‘What should
we talk about this evening? Last time we spent quite a lot of it talking about your MA
dissertation. Such an interesting topic too.’
‘You don’t have to pretend, you know,’ she rolled her eyes, but she did so in the most
theatrical way she could and then bit her lip. ‘That stuff bores guys.’
‘I guess I must not be a guy then because I found it interesting. You don’t hear much about
ethics when you work in my sector. Not much to talk about when it comes to selling high-end
kitchenware to rich people who have far too much money. I mean, other than the ethics stuff
that’s in like… where we source our wood and marble.’
‘Well, that is all ethics too, but tell me what you remember,’ she leaned in closer and
watched him. She liked to see him squirm.
He swallowed and felt at his collar. ‘Okay, so, I’m gonna show my ignorance here, aren’t
I? Um… well, you spoke about um… Immanuel Fant?’
‘Kant.’
‘Kant. I stand corrected,’ he downed the rest of his champagne, and she did the same. He
picked up the bottle and offered her a refill. She downed her own and gladly accepted it.
They both took a sip from their newly poured drink. ‘Okay, so, this Kant guy said that we
have duties to other humans and that we need to follow certain rules and that those rules
don’t change.’
‘Remember what those rules were called?’
‘It was some nonsense long name.’
She cackled. ‘Yup! But that’s academia for you. Always pretentious. It’s called the
categorical imperative.’
‘Yes, the categorical imp-’
‘-erative,’ she completed for him.
‘Imperative!’ he exclaimed and immediately drew the angry eyes of someone nearby. He
waved the guy down and returned to his date. ‘That thing. He said that you have to be able to
apply the same logic to everything you do or else it doesn’t work. So, I might want something
that I don’t have, but that doesn’t mean I can steal, because if I steal then I have to think
about if everyone else should be allowed to steal when they want something. No stealing
then.’
‘A bit simplistic, but yes,’ she sipped on her champagne and winked at him.
He grinned back at her. ‘I think I did pretty well there, actually.’
‘Oh, you did,’ she pressed one of her feet forward and searched for his. He jumped a little
when she found them, but he soon felt hers too. ‘I think you did a very good job, and you did
a good job listening last time. I hope you listen that well in other settings too.’
He leaned in. ‘Oh, I listen very well in many settings.’
‘I may have to test that, because to be a good person, you need to fulfil some of those
duties. Duties to your fellow human.’
‘Oh, I think I can fulfil any duties you give me.’
‘Excuse me,’ the waiter had arrived, and he held two plates. One in each hand. The two
individuals on their date stopped flirting and waited for the plates to be lowered down to
them. Each plate had a succulent rump steak on it. Just dripping with jus and arranged
alongside a beautiful, garnished presentation. ‘Is there anything else?’
‘No, this is perfect! Thank you so much.’
The waiter bowed and left the two who had already made up their minds about what was
going to happen as soon as they were done with dinner. They looked up at each other and
smiled. There was no need to be coy any longer. The need for shyness had long since passed
them by and would not be returning any time soon.
He picked up his fork and pressed it into the decadent meat as he raised his knife. She did
the same and penetrated the moist rump with a sparkle in her eye. She was quite interested in
being treated like a piece of meat that night. She didn’t want the romance. She wanted to be
ravished, to be desecrated.
He returned her gaze as he thought similar thoughts. He cut off a piece of rump, and she
raised hers too. They each placed the meat on their tongues and felt the delicious juices as
their teeth came down again and again, decimating the moistness in their mouths. They
simultaneously swallowed and licked their lips. It was going to be a delicious evening
between two delicious people.
***
The sizzling of the pans and the yelling of the chef mixed with the many people chattering
away with one another while they cooked on the line. Two of them stood next to one another
in their designated sections. One had his pan as he pressed the spatula into the meat as it
popped and bubbled with the fat that swirled around it. His friend had his own pan. The
boiling oil caused the strips of potato to crackle as they slowly reached the necessary
tenderness to be an exquisite accompaniment to the medium-rare steak to his side.
He glanced over at his friend and grinned. His friend tried to ignore him for a few seconds,
but eventually chuckled and looked over at him too.
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing, huh?’ he shook his head as he flipped the steak and pressed it down into the pan.
‘Got something to say, my friend?’
‘You’d better not leave any burn on that steak, buddy, or else chef’ll be angry again.’
‘Chef can kiss my-’
‘Hey!’ the chef shouted at them from down the line. ‘Did I say that you two could speak to
each other!? That steak had better be perfect this time or else you’re out of here! Do you hear
me?! Out of here!’
‘Yes, chef!’ he shouted back and then grumbled to himself. ‘Whatever you say.’
‘Maybe you gotta start doing your job right, man.’
He reached over and punched his friend’s arm. The friend laughed and returned to his
potatoes as he turned each of them as methodically as possible. The white of one side gave
way to the gorgeous and crispy brown of the other side. He took in a deep breath and smelled
as much of it as he could before glancing at his friend again.
‘How can you still find this stuff good, man? We slave over this every day and smell the
same things. How do you still think it smells good?’
‘Oh, so some good potato and steak doesn’t smell good to you anymore? They’re
delicious!’
‘Yeah, they’re also not something we can afford,’ he rolled his eyes as he moved the steak
around the pan, reached in with a spoon to coat the steak in as much of its own fatty oil as
possible, and then returned to pressing it down for a few moments. ‘This place is not for us,
you know.’
‘So, you can’t afford potatoes?’
‘Ugh,’ his friend hit his arm again. ‘You know I mean the meat, man. Like, look at this
thing. A nice, A-grade chunk of rump steak and we have to put it on some plate and give it to
someone who can afford to come to a place like this. In my house, we eat minute steaks and
the cheapest chicken we can find.’
‘Yeah, but you can sometimes get a steak.’
‘You really can’t. When last have you had a proper steak? And when I say a proper steak,
I mean a proper steak. Like this one. Thick and juicy and delicious. Not some storebought
one where they slice it off and package it in cheap plastic.’
‘Where else are you supposed to get it?’
‘I bet these guys get it at like some fancy butcher or something. Some like… I dunno,
some expensive bougie place with “artisanal” somewhere in the name. Some rich people
place where they sell Kobe beef and can give you a whole lecture about which meat has the
best marbling and that kind of stuff.’
‘Ah, meat is meat,’ his friend shrugged. ‘I mean, it all pretty much tastes the same.’
‘It really doesn’t. Some of it is way better, and here I am, talking to you who wants to
pretend.’
‘Hey, I don’t pretend, I get to have steak sometimes.’
‘Mister I-don’t-have-kids-so-I-can-afford-good-food,’ he spat the words out as he flipped
the steak again. ‘I can barely afford the food I can get, and that kid of hers just eats so damn
much. He’s just always eating. Eating me out of house and home. So no, I can’t afford a
decent meal like this.’
‘Hey!’ the chef shouted before his friend could respond. ‘How far is that steak!? We need
it for plating A-SAP!’
‘It’s coming, chef! I’ll ring the bell when it’s done!’
The chef had already moved on, and the man shook his head and scoffed. ‘Jackass.’
His friend laughed. ‘You know, you didn’t have to go and get hitched. I mean, I didn’t.’
‘If she’d been on the pill like she said she was then I wouldn’t have this problem.’
‘Did you use protection too?’
‘I don’t like rubbers,’ he growled and snapped before his friend could say a word. ‘I know
what you’re going to say, and I don’t care. A real man doesn’t have to use those things. It’s
her body that makes those little money-eaters. She should have been more careful.’
‘Whatever, man.’
‘Don’t talk to me like that,’ he inspected the steak and flipped it over again. ‘How’s this
one look? Think the chef is gonna whine at me?’
‘Isn’t that his job?’
He chuckled as he hit the bell. ‘Yeah, I guess.’
The chef approached and inspected the steak. He grabbed the pan and nodded his head.
‘It’s acceptable. We have more orders coming in. Two to a pan for this one, okay.’
‘Yes, chef,’ he watched as the chef walked away and quickly flipped him off before
grabbing a new pan and setting it over the gas. ‘Listen, man, I know I probably should have
pulled out or whatever, but back then she was so into it.’
He poured oil into the pan and chucked a new chunk of meat onto it. ‘She was always
begging for it and what kind of a hot-blooded man could say no to that, right?’
He threw another rump onto the pan and coated it in the oil. His friend watched him.
‘Man, I’m sorry you hate the kid so much.’
‘I don’t hate the kid, man, I just… you know.’
‘Can’t just have a steak anymore?’
‘Can’t just have a steak anymore!’ he repeated as he slapped his spatula onto the meat and
sighed. ‘I used to be able to go out, have some ribs and a drink with a girl, and then take her
back to my place, or, better yet, her place, and then not see her again. Now, I have to pretend
that I still like coming back to that house.’
‘Still think getting married to her will help?
‘It won’t. It’ll just make her parents leave us alone. Then they can pretend that their
daughter didn’t get knocked up with premarital sex.’
‘If you’d pulled out, she wouldn’t have been a mother.’
‘You know what, man, I’m just not going to talk to you tonight,’ he went back to his meat
and lifted the bubbling fat with a spoon to coat it in its own juices yet again. His friend was
just laughing at him. ‘What the hell are you laughing about?’
‘I’m messing with you, man. Don’t worry about it so much. It’s fine. So what if the kid
eats all your money, at least you have a sexy lady to come home to every night. The bachelor
life is a lonely one. I’m very lonely!’
‘Oh really?’
‘Definitely! I’m extremely lonely. Take tomorrow night for example. I’m gonna take this
sexy young thing I met on Tinder out for some burgers somewhere, make it seem all sweet
and everything, and then we’re gonna go to this party that’s happening, and they have a few
places I can take her to have a good time. Then we’ll just get drunk, and I’ll drop her off at
home or something. Maybe have a second round.’
‘I fail to see the loneliness.’
‘Oh, I lied. It’s gonna be so hot. This chick is already super into it and-’
He kept rambling about his planned sexual exploits, but his friend tuned out the jokey tone
and went back to his steak. He flipped it in its own savoury liquids and smelled them in. They
sure did smell good, but he knew that he couldn’t have any.
***
She looked over at him. She was tired. He didn’t look tired at all and was instead just
watching her with those usual curious eyes. She couldn’t help but smile at him as she reached
over and placed a hand on his head, he accepted the hand and swirled around to try and lick
it. She chuckled and pulled the hand back. He looked ahead as soon as she did the same, and
the pair of them watched as the cars zoomed by around them.
She only had one more delivery to make before she could park and have a proper sleep. It
had been a good and lengthy sixteen-hour shift that would net her a hefty few hours of wages,
but she wanted it to be over more than she was interested in the money. She could imagine
that her passenger thought the same. His tongue bobbed out of his mouth as he stuck his head
out the window and felt the wind against his face.
The job was a terrible one with long hours and poor wages, but at least she was allowed to
do her job alongside her best friend. The one friend who had never left her over the course of
her life, a friend who was always excited for her to be nearby. Her friend didn’t even need to
wait for her to get home before being excited, he was always excited for her to be around. He
was far better than some unfaithful man.
She took in a deep breath and tried to forget about that. She didn’t want to be reminded
about it. It had been so long in the past that it didn’t matter anymore. She had her truck, she
had her job, and she had her dog. That was all she needed, and she knew that she didn’t need
anything else in the world.
Her eyes glazed over a little but she managed to shake herself out of it. She definitely
needed that sleep. Her eyes glanced down at the radio attached to her dashboard. She hadn’t
heard a word from them about any last-minute deliveries, and she hoped they didn’t suddenly
pop up with something. The rest of the shipment only needed to be delivered later that same
evening. She didn’t need to go anywhere else. She held her breath for a moment and hoped
that that was the case.
She could see the restaurant. It was one of her semi-usual drop-offs. She wondered if that
sweet man would be there. She shook her head and reached over to her companion. She
pressed her fingers into his fur and felt his warmth. ‘I don’t need some guy. I have you, don’t
I, boy?’
The old dog turned to look at her for a moment but didn’t make a sound. She smiled at
him. ‘Talkative as ever, aren’t you?’ still nothing. ‘I think you’ve been a better man to me
than any real one!’
The dog barked.
‘There we go!’ she laughed. ‘I’d be lying though. I mean, I love you, my boy, but you
don’t exactly provide any kind of human touch, do you?’
He only watched her.
‘That guy at the restaurant is pretty cute. He’s always sweet to us. To you too, isn’t he?’
He barked again.
‘Maybe he’ll be nice to you this morning too. What do you think? Think if he’s nice I
should… I should try?’
He didn’t reply.
‘I could always try and give him my number. Maybe the next time I’m around here I
can… I don’t know. I know that I say I don’t miss him, but I do.’
He didn’t reply.
‘I wonder if he misses you too. He was an ass, but he was always good to you. I hope he
misses you,’ she glanced at him for a few moments, but he’d shut his eyes and dozed off. She
didn’t mind. It was just good to have someone to talk to. ‘I think I should do it. I think I
should. We’ll see how he responds. Maybe if… I don’t know.’
She was quiet for a few moments as she came to a stop by the gates of the delivery area of
the restaurant. She could see some people inside, and they had seen her and were on their
way to fetch whoever had the keys to open the gate. She took in a deep breath. Where was
he? Was he nearby? Would he be there? Would he be there to see her and to ask her
something?
The gate started to open. One of the kitchen staff had opened up, and she pulled the small
truck into the space. She quickly hopped out and went to open the back for them. When she
turned around, there he was. He was one of the kitchen staff, and he smiled as he saw her. He
approached. ‘Have another shipment for us? I was looking forward to seeing you again.’
She couldn’t help but blush. ‘Well, someone has to deliver the beef.’
‘Some great beef you’ve got too,’ he stepped up to her and smiled. The dog barked. His
head stuck out the driver’s side window. The line cook laughed as he approached the old dog
and gave him a few scratches. He quickly let go of him and snuck around the back. As soon
as he was sure that no one else was looking, he yanked out a knife and sliced off a small
piece of raw beef. He brought it back and quickly gave it to the old dog. The dog barked as
soon as it was down his throat.
She watched it all and smiled. She could feel her blush deepening. She didn’t know why.
She wasn’t some young lovestruck girl. She’d had two husbands and as many kids already.
This was just some guy. She took in a deep breath. It shouldn’t have been difficult. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey, yourself,’ he leaned against the truck and watched her.
‘Yeah, um, so I wanted to ask you something.’
‘Yeah?’
‘You live around here, right?’
‘Close. I live about an hour’s train drive, but yeah, I do.’
‘I live in a different city but I’m here a lot, you know.’
‘Yeah, I do know. You deliver beef here a few times a week.’
She giggled. It sounded like schoolgirl nonsense. She tried to compose herself.
‘Anyway… I wanted to ask-’
‘Hold that thought,’ he held up a finger and led her around to the back. The chef had come
out to scan the area as the meat came in. ‘He’s an ass. Anyway, I don’t think you should ask
that.’
‘Oh,’ she tried to keep her smile. ‘Do you know what I was-’
‘Because I should be the one to ask,’ he grinned. ‘Do you want to go out sometime?’
She blushed more deeply than before and nodded her head. ‘Yes. Yes, please. I’d like that
a lot.’
‘That’s great. What’s your number?’
***
He stepped into the locker room and sighed. It was another day on the job. Another day doing
the same repetitive thing over and over again, and he groaned as he glanced to the side and
saw that his supervisor was watching him. He tried to smile at his supervisor but dropped the
charade when his supervisor didn’t return the gesture.
‘Is everything okay, sir?’
‘You tell me.’
He didn’t know how to reply. ‘Um. Well. Uh…’
‘Are you going to “um” and “uh” all day?’
‘No, sir.’
‘Do you know why I’m talking to you now?’
‘Because I was late.’
‘Well done!’ his supervisor brought his hands together in a slow clap. ‘There are a lot of
you people out there who need a job like this. So, don’t piss off the one person that gave you
a shot. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Good,’ his supervisor was done with him, and simply pointed towards the conveyor belt.
He tried to get his jacket off his torso as quickly as possible while the eyes of his supervisor
continued to watch him. He climbed into his plastic-covered coat and pulled his gloves on.
His supervisor finally looked away, and the worker made his way to his station.
His neighbour on the conveyor belt nodded at his approach but quickly returned to the task
at hand. He rushed up to join his neighbour and grabbed a hold of his blade. ‘Sorry I was late.
I missed my train.’
‘Full?’
‘Full,’ he nodded as he grabbed the bone and carved off a slice. ‘Have you been covering
my cuts too?’
‘Only fifteen minutes.’
‘Thank you. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s no problem.’
He remained quiet for a while as he took one bone after another and sliced off his
designated piece of gristle before passing it to the next person on the conveyor belt. That
person went far faster than he did, and he did his best to keep up. The rest of the people on
the conveyor belt hardly spoke any English, and he had to take in a deep breath when he
thought about the possibility of losing the job. It was all he could get.
‘So, how was your evening?’
‘What?’
‘I said: how was your evening?’
‘It was fine,’ his neighbour didn’t say anything else. She took each slab of meat as it came
and cut off her designated piece. One after the other. One chunk, another chunk, another, and
another. Her eyes were staring downwards at the work in her hands, and she wielded the
knife with a speed he wished he too possessed.
He glanced to the side and saw his supervisor watching him. He stared back down and
sliced and sliced and sliced and sliced. He took in a deep breath after what felt like ages. He
looked upwards at the clock. He’d only been at work for twelve minutes. He stifled a groan
as one of the managers walked by. He didn’t want anyone to pick him out for anything. He
needed to keep his head down, do his job as he’d been directed to do, and get on with his
work. That was all he needed to do.
‘And your kids?’ he asked his neighbour.
‘They are fine,’ she was focused on the cavalcade of meat that came her way. The one slab
after another of what would eventually be a collection of rump steaks. The kind that he would
never be able to afford. As soon as he was sure that his supervisor and the manager were
gone, he sighed to himself.
A sound of pain issued from his side. He turned to face his neighbour on the other side.
There was blood dripping from his hand. The supervisor was there within a second. He
pointed at the uninjured man. ‘Take over his share until he can get back.’
He stared at his supervisor as one chunk nearly passed him by. ‘I-’
‘Are you deaf?! Get to work!’
He grabbed the chunk and sliced off two portions as quickly as he could as his neighbour
was pointed towards the first-aid station. The blood had pooled by his station and would
remain there for the rest of the day. The neighbour didn’t come back for over an hour, and by
the end of it, the uninjured man’s hand cramped with the kind of pain he could hardly
imagine.
His other neighbour scoffed when the injured one made his way back. ‘That one. He is no
good. This is the problem with white people here.’
The man gazed down at his own white hands. ‘I-’
‘I no mean you,’ his neighbour didn’t seem to put much weight behind that particular
statement, but he saw no reason to pursue it. It was true. She’d been there for a few years
already and she never complained, was never late, never injured herself, and she wasn’t even
legally in the country. He only had the job because there was little else for him to do after
he’d served his sentence.
‘I think you did.’
His neighbour didn’t say anything in response to his words and simply continued with her
work. His other neighbour was slower than before, and his bandaged hand struggled to take
hold of the flesh of the cow before him.
He was stuck there. He needed to get out of that place. He’d been there less than a month
and he could hardly stand the sight of it all. He wanted to get away, he needed to get away,
but he had nowhere else to go. There was nowhere left for him in the world. The law had
seen to that when it released him with a record.
He sighed as he took hold of his latest chunk of meat and sliced off his small, designated
portion as it made its way to the next person along the chain. He was just glad that he didn’t
have to work with the large carcasses. That seemed like it was even worse.
***
It was a Monday. It was like every other damn Monday. He wouldn’t get to take a day off
until Sunday, and even then, it would probably be a bad Sunday. He tightened the gloves on
his hands and cricked his neck in preparation for yet another day of monotonous work.
He turned his neck and watched as the creature made their way toward him. They were
being prodded from behind towards the machine. They didn’t want to be near it, but he didn’t
have time for this. They’d all already been told that production needed to ramp up or there
wouldn’t be any chance of any bonuses, as if there were ever any bonuses. He helped them
lead the massive creature toward the machine and strapped them in.
The creature moved one way and another, but their body could not move against the
machine that held them in place. He pressed the bolt gun into the cranium of the animal and
fired it. The creature went limp. He reached for his knife, pressed it against the neck of the
animal, and pushed in. The creature’s throat gurgled as the blood flooded downwards and
through a grate onto the floor below. The floor was already being washed away with high-
pressure hoses to pretend it was a more sanitary workplace.
The animal’s body didn’t move for much longer, but he had already pressed the button to
flip it onto the conveyer belt so it could be hung upside down and bled out. He turned his
attention to the next one that was on their way toward the machine. They didn’t want to move
towards it, but a quick jab with an electric prod from behind forced them to move.
The man used to hate the prod, but it made the job easier. He glanced down and for a
single moment, his eyes connected with the eyes of the cow. They stared straight into his
eyes. He could see it. He could see into them. He could see the fear buried deep within them.
He shut his eyes and shook his head as he secured it into the machine.
He grabbed his still-dripping blade and positioned it. He couldn’t help himself. He looked
into those eyes again. They watched him. They stared at him. He turned away as he pressed
the bolt gun into the cow’s head, and he immediately moved to penetrate and carve through
the jugular a moment later. He didn’t want to look at those eyes any longer.
He heard someone laughing behind him. He turned. One of the others pointed at the
recently dead cow and cackled. ‘That’s one’s got a good ass on it! Bet it’ll make for some
good rump, what ya think?’
He forced a smile, but it was toothless. ‘Yeah, I think she will make a good rump.’
‘She?’
‘It. It will make a good rump.’
The guy had already moved on, but the man glanced back at the now-dead creature before
him as he pressed his hand into the button to send it along the conveyer belt. He didn’t want
to see it any longer, and he didn’t want to see the rest of them, but a job’s a job. He took up
his bolt gun as the next cow was secured to the spot. He made sure not to look the rest of
them in the eye.
His day continued as it always continued. It was slow, constant work. One cow after
another received the bolt, the slash, and the upside-down drainage. It was the way things
were, and it was the way things were going to remain. He tried not to think about it, but he
did know that ever since he’d started at that job, he found it harder and harder to put beef in
his mouth.
Those eyes sometimes caught in his own, and he could see what was inside them, but there
was no other job for him in that world. Who was going to hire someone like him anyway? He
took in a deep breath when the last cow for the day had been killed, and he was allowed to
finally go home. He went back to his tiny place and struggled to sleep, but he needed to get as
many hours as he could because he had a double shift the following day.
***
She didn’t have that much room, but she could look over the confines of her small cubicle
and see some of the others that she had known throughout her life. There was one of her
childhood friends only a few pens down the line. She watched her friend as they made one
noise after another. She wanted to go to them, to be with them, but the metal bars in front of
her wouldn’t allow her to move.
She turned around. Her rear touched the other side of the pen as she did so, but she
managed to turn all the way around after a few moments of manoeuvring. She wandered over
to the feed that automatically dropped from somewhere every now and then. She didn’t know
when it dropped, but there was still some left over from before. She went to have some. There
was nothing else to do in her little home.
She ate until she had nothing left. She smelled her way across the trough but found
nothing else. Her head raised and gazed around. The sounds of her fellows were all around
her, and they were making their own noises. She wanted to go to them. They all wanted some
company. They all wanted to be near someone else, and she wanted that too. She didn’t want
to be alone in that cage of hers.
She could hear one of them, and she turned as best she could, but they had already walked
past her before she could see them. She wanted to signal to one of them. They had taken care
of her once, but ever since she’d been left alone in the cage, she didn’t receive any attention
from any of them any longer.
He pushed her nose against the cold steel and her eyes shut in response. She wanted to get
out of there. She made a noise, she mooed with the rest of them. Her neighbour did the same,
she also wanted to get out. The two of them joined together to make as much noise as they
could, but no one came to them. A few others joined in, but it didn’t take long before
everyone stopped.
She looked around again. She turned, but there was still no food. She didn’t know what to
do. She was bored. She wanted to do something, anything. She decided to drop to her
haunches, and then fully dropped. She turned her head. She wasn’t tired. She had slept
enough. She wanted to be with the others, but she couldn’t reach them. She closed her eyes.
She could hear them all around her, they were all so noisy, they all wanted to get out. She
couldn’t sleep. She kept her eyes closed. She tried to fall asleep, to be away from that place.
She waited and she waited.
She felt excitement when the noise of the thing came back. There was food filling up her
trough, and every other fellow creature in the building responded the same way. They all
went for their food, but the food was soon gone, and there was, once again, nothing to do.
She didn’t know what else she was supposed to do. She didn’t know how long she’d have to
wait.
She turned around a few times, tried to find more food, smelled along the steel bars, and
eventually lay back down again. She didn’t have anything else to do, and while she couldn’t
sleep, it was better than standing. She waited for her next batch of food. It was all there was
to do in that place.
***
She was overjoyed as she pressed her body against her friend. Her friend did the same, and
she was just as happy to see the big things that crowded around her. They made all sorts of
noises, and she couldn’t understand what they were saying, but there were little versions of
the big creatures that looked after them. The little versions brought food in their hands, and
whenever she ate it from their hands, they made lovely sounds that made her happy.
She enjoyed the nice big place she lived. It had lots of her friends, but whenever she
thought about her mother, she felt worse. She tried to forget about her. She still wanted her
mother’s milk, but she hadn’t had any in a very long time, or at least it felt like a very long
time. She didn’t even know where her mother was, but at least the smaller versions were
happy with them.
When the little versions were gone, the big creatures that were so tall locked them in their
big room and left them there. She tried to eat as much as possible from the smaller ones
during the day because the bigger ones didn’t give them much food at night. It was also cold,
and they all had to huddle together. They’d all lost their mothers, they’d all been taken away
from them, and they’d all been left without that delicious and comforting milk.
The things the big creatures gave them to suckle on were not the same, and they didn’t
even give those to them anymore. It was dry food every single day. There wasn’t even any
grass in their night-time room. She needed to try and get as much as she could during the day,
and she needed to get as much attention as she could during the day too. The big things and
the little versions of them were not the same as her mother, but at least they patted her and
gave her attention.
She didn’t see the little versions every day. Sometimes, there was no one there. She hated
those days, but at least she could eat the grass on those days. At least she could wander
around with her friends and play with them. At least she wasn’t wherever all the adults had
gone, because she knew they’d gone somewhere bad.
***
The young mother hardly made any noise as she pushed with the help of the big creatures that
kept her confined. They made noises at her that she couldn’t understand. They were soothing
noises, but she didn’t want to hear their soothing noises. She had been taken from her mother
before she had finished her milk, and she knew they’d do the same to her baby. She pushed
and the baby creature left her womb.
The creature was small and pathetic. It would be better if it wasn’t there at all, if it wasn’t
forced to live with its mother for a short time before being taken from her. Then she saw it. It
was hers. It was her baby girl. A little girl like herself, and the girl waddled over to her
mother a few seconds later.
There were strange noises around them and flashing lights. Some of the big creatures were
too close to her baby, but she couldn’t make them go away. They crowded around and made
their noises and watched her. She watched them. She didn’t know how she was going to keep
her baby safe. She didn’t know how she was going to stop them from taking her. She didn’t
know how she’d live without her baby. She didn’t know anything.
***
ABOUT
L.C. LUPUS is a writer and academic from Cape Town, South Africa. Much of his work is inspired by his studies, such as ethics, animal studies, and critical theory. In this case, it's most-inspired by the ecofeminist work of Carol J. Adams, such as 'The Sexual Politics of Meat', and deals with issues of sex and meat.